Stanley Got Stabbed in the Crotch on 'American Horror Story' Last Night

Someone got stabbed in the crotch last night on American Horror Story: Freak Show, and that wasn't even the most gruesome thing that happened. Ryan Murphy is making sure Freak Show goes out with a bang — and by bang, we mean Emma Roberts getting cut in half.

Last night's episode was by far the most shocking yet. From unexpected deaths to surprising deals, calling the hour "Show Stoppers" is a bit of an understatement. "Heart Stoppers" would be more appropriate, but we're not calling the shots over at FX (yet).

To process what went down last night, we've broken down the episode into its craziest moments. (And that includes someone actually going crazy  — *cough* Neil Patrick Harris *cough.*)

Stanley gets stabbed in the penis.  

We open up the episode with the freaks having a farewell party for Elsa, who is leaving for Hollywood. Stanley is there, but little does he know the freaks are aware of his plan to kill them and sell their bodies to a museum. Elsa says they have a surprise for Stanley, and they bring in a beautifully wrapped gift. Inside? The head of the woman who bought Ma Petite and Jimmy's hands from Stanley. With this, the freaks launch a full-fledged attack on Stanley (including stabbing him in the crotch and throwing knives at him on the spinning wheel). At the end of the episode, we learn the freaks mutilated Stanley's body and turned him into a freak. So much meta.

Jimmy's getting new hands. But it's not what you think. 

Elsa and Maggie visit Jimmy, who is bed-ridden from getting his lobster claws surgically removed. But Elsa has good news: She's contacted an old friend, a doctor, to build Jimmy new hands. He's livid at Maggie, who he believes is just as responsible for the freak show tragedies as Stanley (they were partners, after all). But Maggie insists she is a ~*cHaNGeD wOmAn and will do her best to make everything right. Later in the episode, we're introduced to Massimo (Danny Huston from Coven), the doctor who built Elsa's wooden legs. In a flashback, we learn Massimo fell in love with Elsa as her doctor and endured torture (like, some pyscho electrocuted his balls) just to bring justice to the men who disfigured her. But his #struggle has turned his heart to stone; he can't love Elsa anymore. What he can do, though, is fashion Jimmy a brand new set of hands — wooden lobster claws. Turns out, Jimmy isn't quite ready to stop being a freak. Tears. We also learned another connection to Asylum: A young Dr. Hans Gruper (James Cromwell) was responsible for cutting off Elsa's legs. If you recall, Dr. Arden, the sadistic physician in Asylum, was a Nazi war criminal — and his birth name was Hans Gruper. Mind. Blown.

Bette and Dot are tired of Marjorie (the dummy) watching them bang Chester. 

Bette, Dot, and Chester are getting their freak on, but Marjorie won't stop creeping. The twins ask if Chester (Neil Patrick Harris) can put her away, and he obliges — dun, dun, dun! Go figure, Marjorie is pissed that Chester discarded her and threatens to leave. Chester begs her not to. Apparently, he's finally happy, insists the twins really love him, and that they will "cure" him. Marjorie just cackles at this and says he's a murderer. (In last week's episode, we saw Marjorie bludgeoning Chester's wife and her female lover to death, but we weren't sure if it was actually the doll or a schizophrenic Chester.)  Chester denies killing the women and accuses Marjorie. But how could she? Marjorie asks. She's a doll. We finally learn that Chester does have a mental imbalance and killed his wife and her girlfriend. He collapses into Marjorie's arms; she has the power now. And she has one request: Bette and Dot have to die.

The freaks turn on Elsa. 

Right before the freaks attacked Stanley, he made a startling accusation: Elsa killed Ethel. (This is true, if you recall from a few episodes back.) The group didn't believe Stanley at first, but as they start looking at Ethel's old photos, they get suspicious. They believe Ethel would never commit suicide; she was too strong for that and would have at least left a note. The freaks finally realize Elsa did murder Ethel and that she's only cared about herself this whole time. Enraged, the group makes a decision: They need to kill Elsa. Fast forward to later in the episode, when Bette and Dot warn Elsa that the group is coming to murder her. (Elsa saved the twins earlier, so they see this as an eye for an eye.) Elsa heeds Bette and Dot's warning and flees the camp. By the time the freaks invade Elsa's tent, she's long gone. On her way out of town, she re-sells the Cabinet of Curiosities to DANDY, who arrives at the camp at the end of the episode prepared to fuck things up. Elsa's officially Hollywood bound — good riddance!

Chester attempts the saw-box trick with Maggie, and fails miserably. 

Dandy shows up at the twins' tent and drops the bomb that Chester is bonkers and offed his wife and lady friend. He has a file to prove it, but the girls don't believe him. However, at the freaks' first meeting with Chester as manager, the girls get suspicious. They don't want to be Chester's magician assistants anymore, and that pisses him off. (Remember he's now planning to kill Bette and Dot, per Marjorie's request.) He pulls out the saw-box and insists the twins hop in, but they refuse. Maggie — trying to rebuild her reputation with the freaks — volunteers to be Chester's assistant. She gets in the box to help Chester with his trick, but it doesn't go as planned. He's now furious and having delusions of his wife, her lover, and Marjorie being in the box instead of Maggie. They're taunting him, and he's having none of it. He handcuffs Maggie's feet to the end of the box so she can't pull them up to avoid actually getting sawed in half. He starts cutting the box down the middle and literally slices Maggie in two. Yup. When he pulls the two boxes apart, Maggie's blood and guts spill all over the stage. In a manic state, he insists it's just a magic trick and can put Maggie back together. But it's done: She's dead. And you know what Desiree says? "She had it coming...steal her jewelry and bury the bitch." Looks like the freaks weren't ready to forgive Maggie just yet.

Chester turns himself in for murdering his dummy and he's dead serious about it. 

Fresh off slaughtering Maggie, Chester runs back to his tent to find Marjorie waiting. Marjorie says she's leaving him. Again, Chester flips the fuck out and starts stabbing Marjorie over and over. In Chester's mind, he's "killed" Marjorie and now has a bloody child in his hands. He rushes Marjorie over to the police and says that he'd like to report a murder. When he puts the doll (wrapped in a towel) on the table, the police open it up. Inside is Marjorie, the dummy. Unharmed. Made of wood. We now get 100 percent confirmation Chester is off his rocker. (He asked to go to the electric chair for killing Marjorie — not Maggie, because that's normal.)

So much blood. So many tears. And this wasn't even the series finale!  Let us know what you thought about last night's episode in the comments below.

[Photo Credits: FX]